Whats the fucking point = Growing Pains

Whats the fucking point, its an easy thing to ask though there must be something that made me want to do art. There must be. Is it because it offers an escape from reality, or because it allows us to see whats real; is it because there is the priceless, unattainable thing that we try to point our finger at, asking the questions that arise as part of being human, or is it because we feel we can be the genius of creation, producing something that will make the others throw their wealth at us which we can use to fulfill our needs. I suppose like any object it can be used in different ways, there are objectives. Is expression not enough, the truth of interpretation, though through collective ideas we develop cultures and what is it that they value, art culture is not art and yet it is the institute in which I find myself supplicating too, I am training to open debate of all things and yet i'm not sure anyone wants to listen. Ahh maybe it is this that is causing me such disturbance, am i worried that no one wants to listen to me, I have always prided my self on being intelligent and now my pride has lost its measuring tape, how can i compare how big my dick is now. I feel like I am constantly justifying something to myself; second guessing is boring me. Potential stares me in the face, out of reach laughing. why am i so angry that its laughing at . . .

Ok. Rant over. My mum just come and told me that she has been worried about me and it seems that this is timely evidence of that. stewing for a minuet, I searched for some reasoning, and as i listened I heard it pour forward. beating tears to the punch, I declared 'There must be a reason why I do this, there must be a reason why I am here. I need to stop second guessing myself because its tiring me out, Its repressive, this weekend i stepped out of my comfort zone for one of the first times in years and the view was beautiful." as we hugged the tears flowed and smiling cheeks cushioned the streams. If its making me cry at least i know there's something true happening, tears never lie. Growing pains :-)